Chem...again?

One term of a new syllabus was more than enough. I requested that I be allowed to change back to my regular curriculum. With a lot of pomp and splendour (which can be translated as arguments) this was allowed.

Today seemed to be the first day of school all over again. The bafflement, the confusion, the urge to run back home and snuggle down in a soft bed, all the symptoms of a first day were back clearer than ever. Unfortunately today was worse. Yet again, how neglected brilliant subjects are hit me. Hard.  Economics and Biology run parallel so I have to choose between the two and and also take up a third subject since I cannot do both. Telling me this while your eyes are shooting daggers at me was not enough. *You had to make it worse by telling me to take Chemistry as the teacher is qualified yet again. And the worst is that you have done something I believe no teacher should. I now doubt myself and anxiously go through all websites to confirm what I have decided is right. You made me doubt myself. What I've been working towards since probably second grade now seems irrelevant.

Chemistry. Sure I'll do Chem, so you'll get off my back. Do you want that? Because I'll be the only one blamed in the long run if something goes wrong. You'll take the credit, if out of the blue, I realise how wonderful Chemistry is and decide to go win a Nobel Prize.

"Don't do it because you like it," you caution me. Have you taken any effort to find out where I'm going? You feel I want to do Economics because I have a friend doing that subject. Wrong. And as for taking subjects out of the thin air, you have no idea how detailed my study plan is. For the simple reason, you never bothered to find out.

Realise that you're ruining not just my life, but maybe others too. Chemistry I will not do. Nor Math. Not any subject you suggest do I feel like doing now. But know this.
I'm going to study and get into the college of my dreams. And when you go around, feeling that you led to my success, I'll be thanking myself for not listening to you.

*Refer to the article "Can I please study to learn?"

Silent Scream

Listen to me closely

For I cannot speak

As loudly and clearly as you wish me to be

I'm quiet and you wonder why

You believe me not

When I say
I know not what to say

I know not how to say

Hear me when I

Speak with my eyes

Hear me when I

Sob silently in the darkness

Hear me when I

Smile at you

Hear me when I

Bury myself in your warm embrace

But mostly I wish 

You would hear me when

No other does

When by the light

Of the moon

I let forth,a

Silent scream

Can I please study to learn?

So here I am, posting something exactly two months after my last blog post. In this time my exams have been written, (math went quite well, thank you), i have shifted to a new house, and my summer has come to an end. This weekend is the last of freedom.

Yesterday I visited my school to figure out what subjects to take next year. To my undisguised horror, both history and economics, previously offered subjects were no longer available. I have to do 6 subjects, and two I really need are not there. Great. "What to I do now?" I asked my counsellor. "Why don't you take chemistry? It's easy and the kids seem to like it..." was the answer.

Excuse me? Did you just tell me to take chemistry because it's easy? Slow down. When did this start happening?? I didn't know that I was eligible to take a subject because it's easy! Oh, why don't I just take English because it's easy! Seriously, what is the world coming to! I came back home and talked this out with my friends, and they told me this was a similar case in their colleges too. Students being encouraged to take easy subjects so that their marks are great. Because at the end of the day marks are what matter. In this respect, my counsellor was only trying to help.

Should it really be like this? I get terrible marks in physics, but I'm just as interested in the Higgs boson particle as the girl doing research on nano particles. But hey, no marks=you don't know anything in that subject!

I find the education system terrible! I keep thinking about dropping out of school (Bill Gates and Sachin Tendulkar being my role models to do so). But then two things stopped me from thinking this way. One was my mom and my best friend telling me, "Sachin plays cricket, Gates built a multimillion empire. What can you do?' Right now, I have no clue. So that's one option out. The other is something my mom always says. I'm a big fan of Sir Ken Robinson and his ideas. Using this great example my mom tells me, "The only reason people listen to him is because he's been through the system, and he knows what he's talking about."

So there! I have to go through "education". But then it's up to me to make the change. I know that I want to inspire people to stop treating subjects as just a means to get marks. And I'm going to do something about it. Right now, I'm going to study. However there is only so much I can do alone. The only way to get this moving is if everyone I know, tells everyone they know. Therefore this post. Start thinking about it people, because change is inevitable. But, we can be the ones bringing about that change.

The countdown ends...

On Tuesday I give my exam. I have decided to end the countdown today, as tomorrow will be spent swotting.

I discovered today that I have used up 2 and a half notebooks just in these past 15 days. I still lack confidence, but at least I now know the basics (much to the relief of many people).
I'm not scared anymore. I can face math now, boldly. Heck, I can even face my math teacher and proudly tell him what he could not do in 2 years, my family, friends and I did in a fortnight. I'm ready for my exam. I will not be finishing early this time because I do not know anything, but maybe because I knew everything. Now, I know I can do it.

I have already thanked my support group like I fondly refer to them, and now I would like to thank all of you. The whole purpose of this countdown was that I would do math everyday so that I would have something to share with you guys, which forced me into doing math everyday. Somewhere along the road, there came a point where I stopped doing it just to put in on the blog. Knowing that so many people were there for me, rooting for me made me want to learn. It made me want to work. It made me want to score great marks. The blog and more importantly it's readers made this possible.

I'll be posting soon after my exam and I'll let you all know how it went. Stick around because I have some pretty interesting articles lined up. We have a guest writer with an article about a journey in Assam, and then one of mine featuring Kochi which is heralded as the Queen of the Arabian.

Thank you all for sticking with me and the blog through these 15 days, which have been filled with tears, laughter, frustration, joy, and lots and lots of learning.

3 days to become a math genius

3 days to go. And I have learnt more in these past few days than I did in two years. Life's real funny isn't it? :)

On Tuesday, I'll be giving my first math exam. I have another one later this month. At the beginning of my study leave I was scared. You can say about as scared as my neighbour is when she sees lizards. I had no clue what was going on, and numbers, and signs would just swim on the pages rather than making sense. Thanks to an amazing group of people, which consists of my mom and some really great friends, it makes sense now. I'm not perfect at math. But I'm not scared anymore.

I did some 5 and a half papers today. Most of them were easy. Some were tough. A few days days ago I would have probably said "most were tough, some were easy." I smile now when I solve problems not look at them through a haze of frustrated tears, or with eyes burning with exhaustion and hate. We're not the best of friends. But it's like my mom says. When you have to work with someone, you have to work with them. If you don't like them don't spend the evening with them. Math and I are kind of like that. I need to work with it, so I'm working with it. But unlike French, I am not doing it because I have fun with it.

Waiting for tomorrow...

5 and 4 days to become a math genius

The exam draws nearer, I become fearer (don't worry, I'm just messing around). It's been a good two days, where math is concerned. I solved 46 problems in less than an hour today I'm not going to tell you that they were really easy and spoil my image), I'm getting the hang of almost everything, and the best part is while going through my exam papers I found a lot of places where the examiner had not given me marks when I have actually gotten the answer right. Muhahaha math you know I'm going to beat you, sucker!!!

7 and 6 days to become a math genius

Sorry, but I have to post these two together. There has been a steady improvement! I'm doing papers on my own, no more nervous breakdowns, and I can actually understand stuff. Thanks to Sheldon Cooper and The Big Bang Theory, I'm not going to forget Venn diagrams anytime soon. But no one I know understands bearings. This was how my Mom summed it up today- "I don't get bearings, our neighbour doesn't get bearings and he's smart, your best friend isn't scoring well, but we know he's smart, your dad is definitely smart, and only two people in your class understand it." In other words I'm in big trouble!!
Oh well, apart from that, everything else is pretty cool!
I'm almost confident...almost.
Let's see what tomorrow brings :)